7/31/2022
I remember the day I first started working on this website. I haven't really progressed since then in any facet of my life, other than - potentially - the field of social skills and niceties. For years, even before 2018, I have been trying desperately to find out what is "wrong with me" and alleviate the resulting depression, which I have been suffocated by since the moment I was born. What's the point of my staying here, when I am stagnant in my pursuit of personal goals? This website was a grand gesture, in theory, but I never even finished setting it up. Is it ADHD causing my inability to finish projects? Am I bipolar? Perhaps it's diet, the chemicals in the air, genetic multigenerational misery. I find no solace in speculating anymore. It's been four years. I've accomplished nothing at all. This cannot continue. I am practically dead. There is a reason I refer to myself as a "zombie," and made my persona a dead sardine! No longer do I wish to let self-pity or laziness or mental illness or learning disabilities keep me from MY SIMPLE DREAMS. I write this to remind myself of that goal! When I'm feeling down, perhaps it would be a good idea to utilize this journal which I set up so long ago. It's less public than social media, which I have grown to despise. It's my personal site. You wish to explore my pain? Be welcome to it.